Had a great weekend, sooo thankful i stayed home.
had a fabulous time ....
i am so refreshed.. really tired, but refreshed... my heart is restored in many areas of my life... i feel a bit of :-$ mixed emotion-- could be tiredness... could be awareness that there is more to come...
oh! could be that i got a c on one of my midterms, ha, considering i had the flu quite bad and slept all of sunday last weekend which was night before the midterm, thats not too bad... just surprised...
its all common sense in his class and so i didnt feel it was necessary to overwhlem myself with over studying , i mean, i looked through most things, and i cant get the dumb academic website to work for his powerpoints--- he's using 2 websites, why not just use one?? ugh... resentment towards him and his ways...
and now feeling the pressure to get going on my GE assessment paper--- he said for the midterm we start with zero and have to prove ourselves worthy of points,(whcih i knew theory, but specific words he'd mention on the powerpoint i didnt know exact-- so didnt 'prove myself') whatever, europe. i'm fine. grades dont transfer , i shouldnt complain. c isnt even bad... but its me, haha and i was just puzzled by it... whatever. sickness, lack of motivation, busy-ness, different grading, lack of clarity, websites not working, whatever.. it didnt go as well as i imagined.
tonight though, i heard stories from budapest and edinburgh, both sounded like the ppl who went had fun... but i'm so glad i wasnt a part of either
sooooo glad
im sad that my neck and shoulder blade are starting to get tingly again from being soo muscle-y tight.
i have recently been so encouraged and had so much fun writing dear friedns and old friends on facebook-- ppl i hadnt talked ot in a long time are now getting reconnected--- i am grateful for fb for once!!! :=D i'm learning to appreciate!! big step!!
went fo ra walk tonight that was nice... internship tomorrow... love that they love me at the itnership, that makes such a difference. i love being loved.
little chris who was with us on saturday was acting quite immaturely (alwasy kinda lacks social skills) and we were showing him how to smoke a cigar, and teaching him how to drink , but to do it socially, the point is not to get drunk, its to have something to sit over and talk ... (at least what we were up to..) and it was frsutrating b/c he just wouldnt udnerstand and then say, "i just dont do it lik ethat, or i just dont ... i just dont... " everything had another excuse on it. i was so frustrated ppl like that, just covering, i'm like grow up or dont be here. i have very little patience (inside) but i was being gentle and teaching him about tasting wine, much like how you could do it for beer, and just sniff and let the flavor , texture roll around in your mouth. get the body of it.... he just wasnt getting it i guess.. but felt insecure. ... this is where i get actually upset
so he goes home and tells him roommate, jackson , that i was drunk . 1, i was definitely NOT drunk. 2, that i was teaching him how to drink, 3. etc etc etc that was so immature
jackson said he knew right away that whatever little chris said was way different thats why he was comign to me for the story, but anyway, i was just aggravated even more hearing that... i felt awful when we were with him, b/c everythign he did , he had NO back bone, nothing of confidence in him... and thats all i wanted for him, i want him to succeed an dnot be pathetic and annoying to everyone he meets, i mean, he's pursuing some girl back home who strings him along and most likely uses him for whatever convenience, he's too good of aheart to not see... its hard... bc/ while i care and feel poorly for him. i also feel burdened and responsible and tooo much.. i have to let it go. but im just like, God, could i just shake him and turn him over and he'd be fine...
ugh
but like we pointed out, and so did little chris... he didnt have a dad
nor any other male figure
ugh. how frustraing
way to go 'dad' you didnt raise your son and now he's the laughing stock/annoyance of everywehre he goes... how heartbreaking... tahts mayb ewhy i feel even wrose.. im heartbroken and frustrated b/c i just want to remedy it and i dont want to see it anymnore-- its uncomfortable for me. i care sooo much about family's being strong and raising kids well... that it sucks to see that.. i hate it i hate it.
:'( grrrr
God, help little chris, help him to be given men who are strong and encouraging and who will direct him to live a better , stronger , positive life. God, i pray you give me patience and mediation and peace and comfort ... Lord, i have no patience, i can only get through on Yours. Take me. and take him . haha take him FAAAARRRR from me, and work, and then help me to be ther efor him and be who You would have me to be. You are not done in me, and not done in my relationship with little chris... God, i pray I give you me. Here i am.
love to all,
thoughts on life... i guess??
Monday, October 11, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Yay for Friday Nights in Brussels
Last weekend, when i think my sickness began. I stayed in. More or less, a girl, Caitlin, and I, went to the grocery and found food. It was great for me to get grocery shoppign done, but I was looking fwd to making our food, then going out and getting a drink somewhere with some of my close friends... she had another agenda. So at 10 o'clock , we decided to stay in. I like more than one-on-ones. I love including more. I have a good time one-on-one's for a while, and to an extent. I mean, who doesn't need some good quality, focused time where you know the other person cares about you, and you care about them... love it. BUT, on that night, I was looking forward to some exclusive time, and then going out. ANYWAY, i resent that a bit, b/c nights in Brussels are precious and few. and all week, i'd been really looking forward to trying out a new bar/cafe for friday night with some close friends. That sounded like a blast... bummer its missed and gone and over with and i got sick form it. I guess stand up for what i want, i just try to get on the band wagon of the person i'm with as well... hard beig a ppl pleaser, b/c many times i dont regret my decisions to do something i dont really want, but the other does... i sacrifice but end up enjoying it and beign rewarded-- I believe at times, God has a different plan than my strong willed ideas/which i dont actually know better... but there are times, it comes at a cost and it wasnt actually God saying, adjust be flexible, and i actually SHOULD HAVE stood up for what i wanted... anyway, whatever. that was long adn drawn out
ha, I have written much for a while.. flu was awful, i'm kinda suffering a slight cold now i think, but last night was incredibly refreshing and fun and cozy and warm. I lvoed it!! we (Skye and Kelsey ) and I met up at 8 to find a restaurant that was on a list of places to visit that Sabine had given us. It was a fun place for youth she said, and they make everythign with beer. I dont know if I noticed this, but it was good regardlss. Skye and I ordered steaks whcih came with frites (i asked for bread) they had some weird sausages out as we sat down, and they had candles on every table. It was beautiful. I lovved it, it was a little hole in the wall, very clean, but so small and packed and loud. Very European, wine at many tables, and great food and variety. I've now been to two restaurants on the list. One night a while back, I was meeting with Chris Knowles (whose teh tall chris i mention) he and I were meeting for a group project and he had to relocate homestays for his second time, so ISA said to take him out to eat, Sabine knows i'm the only one without a family, so she offered smae to me and 2 other girls who were around the office. We all went to the second restaurant on this list of 3-4 slightly more expensive category (she has them divided: on a student budget, slightly more expensive, places to take your parents). Mama, papa, i cannot wait to bring you to different restaurants. I just cannot wait for you to be here. Happy Anniversary (early)!! I love you i love you.
Ok, anyway, we tried that restaurant a while back, i got fish (3 different kinds) for 23 euros on ISA's tab. So sweet- with lots of vegetables, and a side salad. It was sooo good. sole, salmon, and another local fav.. i cant think of name -- did i already write this? it feels soooo familiar to me. well anway, 2 of 3-4 on that list, i've now been to-- makes me feel accomplished :)
also found a hair stylist place that i know was on the 'chain' list sabine recommended.. 19 euros for a student hair cut (women)
thast not too bad.. i mean comparable to usa. more expensive than sweet Jan-- mom, send her my love and hugs, and i miss her and i'm taking note of fashion over here for her!!! -- tell her: blazers, stylish shoes, layers, jewelry, hardly any hair coloring, if so, its dyed and not highlighted, lots of heels, guys are sooo stylish- wear cute pants, and dress well. my brother says, "i'm not gay, i'm european" hehe . girls are ALWAYS looking good... there ARE sweatshirts over here, but most common is nicely dressed ppl, not like, a blouse and pants, its like a blouse, with a few necklaces, a scarf, a tank top hanging lower than top shirt, and high heels that accent the necklace, and a ring, and their hair sorta sloppy like a model/bed head... its very interesting. fun to watch ;)
anyway, excerpt to my hair stylist at home, love her.
ok. so had a good time, we walked around Debouckere- cannot wait for you Tricia, and parents to know where and what i'm talking about-- cannot wait. going to work hardcore on hw today and tomorrow... ill get ready!! :-D and i hope to also go out again tonight.. oh gross just remembered laundry and groceries ... well, we'll see.. skype date with Amanda tomorrow too!! :-D and any of you others who try to make one with me!!! cant wait.
so anway, had those girls, they and i talked about everythign- it was sweet to share about why i choose and decided to be a virgin, i got to explain it and it went very well-- skye asked if it were personal or relgion basd, i said, well, my morals came from my faith, but I see reason for it... I said, see, by staying a virigin, I don't have to worry about sleeping with the last bf, then the next, and comparing to the last, knowing that it was wayy better. ha, i'm sooo
wow
i'm just.. .haha God has blessed me so much, i love people and it comes from God... but he's also blessed me witht eh ability to WIN people... and he gives me humour, 'cute'ness and whatever else to do that.. i mean wow. my words are powerful and persuasive and convincing.. its INTENSE... to she who was given a lot, much is expected... whew. but anyway, so, i said, Skye said, dont ever have sex, b/c once you do, you'll just want it more, and they both appreciated my perspective and they were like, man i miss the "wanting" of it, rather than it just always being given, i miss the game of playin ghard to get, etc.
it was reality for these girls and God presented it so well in me to them, it rocked, i was pumped for God.. he stood out last night and i loved loved loved it...
so i said, ive stayed a virgin and I can see why i believe my relationsihp with God would say, dont have sex until marriage, that i will protect myself from always wnating, (relevant to them) , from comparing (also also also verrrrry relevant), for feeling pursued and wanted (and this leads me to my thought this morning....)
i want to be completely irreplacable. i want to be so touching to people, to people i meet, to those in my life, to thos ewho pass by me , that they cannot forget me, that they cannot compare me to another, that they are unable to ever replace me. i dont ever want to be replaced. i want to be valued and remembered and cared for...
last night, with those girls, God spoke, and God used my story, and God shares my heart, He pours it out and my life and what i've been through and the HUGE ways I've screwed up my story, but just become that much more relevant to others... and i share it.
gosh, i love my God, i'm brought to tears at how much He moves through me, I want Him to show up , and i want to be irreplacable BECAUSE of HIM... I rememember talking to Abby Carlson one time about a former guy in her life and how he kept pursuing her b/c he had seen GOD in her, and how attractive that was.. he was seeking and God was who he needed, so how could he not forget her, (besdies all the many, many beautiful qualities she has.... ) just, how much more real and powerful i feel i am when I see its not me at all....
I want to be Beautiful <3
:}
hmm... thats a thoguht too.. while friday was not my ideal (when i stayed in...) it WAS and DID mean something to CAitlin, so, then again, may not have been what i esp. wanted, God used my sacrfice for this other person, ppl pleasing, to give to her, and give her the kidn of night she wanted and needed so badly... she got to talk abou ther bf back home and appreciated it b/c she says she never gets to talk about him... soo.. if its not me thats benefiting, i pray that these times are ways that GOD can be reaching out and seen....
I'ts a beatufiul sunshiney day and i'm feeling so much better! i'm stlll sooo tird, but i'm soo happy b/c i FELT GOD MOVING through me last night... i know He is, and I know He is with me, but i love lvoe lvoe the 'high' i get from experiences last night, wehre i get to share my faith, and make it relevant, and it moves---- GOD moves... these girls were touched... one has a varying sex life with several bfs/loves.... and the other has her own story with one guy and issues regarding that... i mean, i said, its funny, b/c i'll present my ideas, but they are such a different scale haha
i was like, its not "everything but" in my vocabulary... Skye was like, i have a friend who does everything but, but she's been saving intercourse for the guy she marries... so she understood that, but their mouths dropped hearing my stories... i mean my "bad" , which i still believe is... it has not washed away or dumbed down just b/c i've been with other ppl, my moral scale is not based on this world or those around me, it is based on my convictions with my GOD...
but, i was like, my 'mistakes' as, my faith traditoin goes.. i try to save as much as i can , b/c i know those 'rules' are set befoer me not to limit me but to give me freedom and safety in a marriage someday... i can be fully loved and appreciated and adored (hopefully) with someone who does not have to compare me to some other lover he's had... i know God set up those rules, SO THAT, i could experience an intimate love relationship that would not be in fear b/c of comparison, better expereinces in the past, 'knowing' how to do things, that actually are not how the next person wants it done... i mean,
ugh, i explained... these things are out of my Chrsitian faith.. that i see it as being to help me, and they both were like, wow, yeah, i can totaly see that. i appreciate that. that's so cool. yada yada...
and the connecting piece...
those girls longed to feel loved
i saw it, i know it.
humans logn to be loved... we long to be 'irreplacable' and to be incredible and great at what we're doing, to be amazing so much so that no one else could ever live up to who we are....
those girls, longed to feel beautiful and loved... and God shared a bit of how i have come to that understanding and realizing that I AM beautiful and loved...
taht i am protected and cared for... this world, those i date, those i love, those i relate to , those i meet, will or may not be from the same life story, but God CAN redeem anyone, these girls, could realize in the next couple months how much they actually could possibly feel and be that way--- in the most unreal way imaginable.. it seems unimaginable to them...
it breaks my heart... we're told we're not worth anything, its so often said over here, there bf will be moody or upset or something and they'll say, i wish he would just shut up, "he'll get sex later" ...
like,
it just breaks me, it breaks my heart.. makes me want to run from a relationship until its completely self-sacrificial on both parts...
b/c its just soo sad, its so sad. my perspective is , i feel what i've done is wrong, and i know to them, what i've done means nothing, but i am NOT comparing to the world, to others, i am comparing to what I agreed upon with God, and what I want for future hub someday, not for others... and its sad to me for what i've ven done. and them talking to me, it's nothing...
and i know, in the world's eyes, it really is....
but i am not of the world, i am set apart and i wish i could be even more set apart, but i see God using my life and msitakes, i just dont want to keep making them, i want to live apart and free and holy, not untouchable holy... the kind of holy a chapel speaker decorated one time in high school--- about "be holy as i am holy" being about holiness as beign the becoming MORE of yourself-- becoming MORE BEAUTIFUL... b/c as God makes you 'holy" it actually means, YOU, in all your personality and characteristics, etc. are becoming more and more like Him--- why WOULDNT that be beautiful ????
heck yes, i'm ready. i'm His....
ill write more later, i think it'll be areflective weekend... hope to find somewehre else to explore tonight
love to all
ha, I have written much for a while.. flu was awful, i'm kinda suffering a slight cold now i think, but last night was incredibly refreshing and fun and cozy and warm. I lvoed it!! we (Skye and Kelsey ) and I met up at 8 to find a restaurant that was on a list of places to visit that Sabine had given us. It was a fun place for youth she said, and they make everythign with beer. I dont know if I noticed this, but it was good regardlss. Skye and I ordered steaks whcih came with frites (i asked for bread) they had some weird sausages out as we sat down, and they had candles on every table. It was beautiful. I lovved it, it was a little hole in the wall, very clean, but so small and packed and loud. Very European, wine at many tables, and great food and variety. I've now been to two restaurants on the list. One night a while back, I was meeting with Chris Knowles (whose teh tall chris i mention) he and I were meeting for a group project and he had to relocate homestays for his second time, so ISA said to take him out to eat, Sabine knows i'm the only one without a family, so she offered smae to me and 2 other girls who were around the office. We all went to the second restaurant on this list of 3-4 slightly more expensive category (she has them divided: on a student budget, slightly more expensive, places to take your parents). Mama, papa, i cannot wait to bring you to different restaurants. I just cannot wait for you to be here. Happy Anniversary (early)!! I love you i love you.
Ok, anyway, we tried that restaurant a while back, i got fish (3 different kinds) for 23 euros on ISA's tab. So sweet- with lots of vegetables, and a side salad. It was sooo good. sole, salmon, and another local fav.. i cant think of name -- did i already write this? it feels soooo familiar to me. well anway, 2 of 3-4 on that list, i've now been to-- makes me feel accomplished :)
also found a hair stylist place that i know was on the 'chain' list sabine recommended.. 19 euros for a student hair cut (women)
thast not too bad.. i mean comparable to usa. more expensive than sweet Jan-- mom, send her my love and hugs, and i miss her and i'm taking note of fashion over here for her!!! -- tell her: blazers, stylish shoes, layers, jewelry, hardly any hair coloring, if so, its dyed and not highlighted, lots of heels, guys are sooo stylish- wear cute pants, and dress well. my brother says, "i'm not gay, i'm european" hehe . girls are ALWAYS looking good... there ARE sweatshirts over here, but most common is nicely dressed ppl, not like, a blouse and pants, its like a blouse, with a few necklaces, a scarf, a tank top hanging lower than top shirt, and high heels that accent the necklace, and a ring, and their hair sorta sloppy like a model/bed head... its very interesting. fun to watch ;)
anyway, excerpt to my hair stylist at home, love her.
ok. so had a good time, we walked around Debouckere- cannot wait for you Tricia, and parents to know where and what i'm talking about-- cannot wait. going to work hardcore on hw today and tomorrow... ill get ready!! :-D and i hope to also go out again tonight.. oh gross just remembered laundry and groceries ... well, we'll see.. skype date with Amanda tomorrow too!! :-D and any of you others who try to make one with me!!! cant wait.
so anway, had those girls, they and i talked about everythign- it was sweet to share about why i choose and decided to be a virgin, i got to explain it and it went very well-- skye asked if it were personal or relgion basd, i said, well, my morals came from my faith, but I see reason for it... I said, see, by staying a virigin, I don't have to worry about sleeping with the last bf, then the next, and comparing to the last, knowing that it was wayy better. ha, i'm sooo
wow
i'm just.. .haha God has blessed me so much, i love people and it comes from God... but he's also blessed me witht eh ability to WIN people... and he gives me humour, 'cute'ness and whatever else to do that.. i mean wow. my words are powerful and persuasive and convincing.. its INTENSE... to she who was given a lot, much is expected... whew. but anyway, so, i said, Skye said, dont ever have sex, b/c once you do, you'll just want it more, and they both appreciated my perspective and they were like, man i miss the "wanting" of it, rather than it just always being given, i miss the game of playin ghard to get, etc.
it was reality for these girls and God presented it so well in me to them, it rocked, i was pumped for God.. he stood out last night and i loved loved loved it...
so i said, ive stayed a virgin and I can see why i believe my relationsihp with God would say, dont have sex until marriage, that i will protect myself from always wnating, (relevant to them) , from comparing (also also also verrrrry relevant), for feeling pursued and wanted (and this leads me to my thought this morning....)
i want to be completely irreplacable. i want to be so touching to people, to people i meet, to those in my life, to thos ewho pass by me , that they cannot forget me, that they cannot compare me to another, that they are unable to ever replace me. i dont ever want to be replaced. i want to be valued and remembered and cared for...
last night, with those girls, God spoke, and God used my story, and God shares my heart, He pours it out and my life and what i've been through and the HUGE ways I've screwed up my story, but just become that much more relevant to others... and i share it.
gosh, i love my God, i'm brought to tears at how much He moves through me, I want Him to show up , and i want to be irreplacable BECAUSE of HIM... I rememember talking to Abby Carlson one time about a former guy in her life and how he kept pursuing her b/c he had seen GOD in her, and how attractive that was.. he was seeking and God was who he needed, so how could he not forget her, (besdies all the many, many beautiful qualities she has.... ) just, how much more real and powerful i feel i am when I see its not me at all....
I want to be Beautiful <3
:}
hmm... thats a thoguht too.. while friday was not my ideal (when i stayed in...) it WAS and DID mean something to CAitlin, so, then again, may not have been what i esp. wanted, God used my sacrfice for this other person, ppl pleasing, to give to her, and give her the kidn of night she wanted and needed so badly... she got to talk abou ther bf back home and appreciated it b/c she says she never gets to talk about him... soo.. if its not me thats benefiting, i pray that these times are ways that GOD can be reaching out and seen....
I'ts a beatufiul sunshiney day and i'm feeling so much better! i'm stlll sooo tird, but i'm soo happy b/c i FELT GOD MOVING through me last night... i know He is, and I know He is with me, but i love lvoe lvoe the 'high' i get from experiences last night, wehre i get to share my faith, and make it relevant, and it moves---- GOD moves... these girls were touched... one has a varying sex life with several bfs/loves.... and the other has her own story with one guy and issues regarding that... i mean, i said, its funny, b/c i'll present my ideas, but they are such a different scale haha
i was like, its not "everything but" in my vocabulary... Skye was like, i have a friend who does everything but, but she's been saving intercourse for the guy she marries... so she understood that, but their mouths dropped hearing my stories... i mean my "bad" , which i still believe is... it has not washed away or dumbed down just b/c i've been with other ppl, my moral scale is not based on this world or those around me, it is based on my convictions with my GOD...
but, i was like, my 'mistakes' as, my faith traditoin goes.. i try to save as much as i can , b/c i know those 'rules' are set befoer me not to limit me but to give me freedom and safety in a marriage someday... i can be fully loved and appreciated and adored (hopefully) with someone who does not have to compare me to some other lover he's had... i know God set up those rules, SO THAT, i could experience an intimate love relationship that would not be in fear b/c of comparison, better expereinces in the past, 'knowing' how to do things, that actually are not how the next person wants it done... i mean,
ugh, i explained... these things are out of my Chrsitian faith.. that i see it as being to help me, and they both were like, wow, yeah, i can totaly see that. i appreciate that. that's so cool. yada yada...
and the connecting piece...
those girls longed to feel loved
i saw it, i know it.
humans logn to be loved... we long to be 'irreplacable' and to be incredible and great at what we're doing, to be amazing so much so that no one else could ever live up to who we are....
those girls, longed to feel beautiful and loved... and God shared a bit of how i have come to that understanding and realizing that I AM beautiful and loved...
taht i am protected and cared for... this world, those i date, those i love, those i relate to , those i meet, will or may not be from the same life story, but God CAN redeem anyone, these girls, could realize in the next couple months how much they actually could possibly feel and be that way--- in the most unreal way imaginable.. it seems unimaginable to them...
it breaks my heart... we're told we're not worth anything, its so often said over here, there bf will be moody or upset or something and they'll say, i wish he would just shut up, "he'll get sex later" ...
like,
it just breaks me, it breaks my heart.. makes me want to run from a relationship until its completely self-sacrificial on both parts...
b/c its just soo sad, its so sad. my perspective is , i feel what i've done is wrong, and i know to them, what i've done means nothing, but i am NOT comparing to the world, to others, i am comparing to what I agreed upon with God, and what I want for future hub someday, not for others... and its sad to me for what i've ven done. and them talking to me, it's nothing...
and i know, in the world's eyes, it really is....
but i am not of the world, i am set apart and i wish i could be even more set apart, but i see God using my life and msitakes, i just dont want to keep making them, i want to live apart and free and holy, not untouchable holy... the kind of holy a chapel speaker decorated one time in high school--- about "be holy as i am holy" being about holiness as beign the becoming MORE of yourself-- becoming MORE BEAUTIFUL... b/c as God makes you 'holy" it actually means, YOU, in all your personality and characteristics, etc. are becoming more and more like Him--- why WOULDNT that be beautiful ????
heck yes, i'm ready. i'm His....
ill write more later, i think it'll be areflective weekend... hope to find somewehre else to explore tonight
love to all
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Oh, might i add...
Importing the cheaper merchandise, in this case, my cereal, from another country is hardly worth it, b/c they'll just tax it so it becomes the same as the local brand.
Competition, i just DON'T see the incentive here?? Yes, some, Economics, we're learning about it from Euro perspective, but its nothing like how it is in the States
You'll get sewed over SOMEthing if you don't improve and stay up to regulation-- mmm.. regulations thats something else...
One guy in one of my classes has said out of anywhere he could live, he'd choose America b/c he will see more reward, I was shocked, I was like, yeah, but no one else here says that.
well, maybe. Maybe they all only know how they've been raised.
This guy was born in S. America or was it the Middle East? I get so confused, definitely knows about 4-5 languages though; he has lived in Brasil (U.K. spelling), multiple countries in Europe, United States, and probably some others i'm missing..
and he's probably about 26/27 ?
But, he's not looking to live over here, maybe for a few years, but he told me he's going 'home' ;)
Competition, i just DON'T see the incentive here?? Yes, some, Economics, we're learning about it from Euro perspective, but its nothing like how it is in the States
You'll get sewed over SOMEthing if you don't improve and stay up to regulation-- mmm.. regulations thats something else...
One guy in one of my classes has said out of anywhere he could live, he'd choose America b/c he will see more reward, I was shocked, I was like, yeah, but no one else here says that.
well, maybe. Maybe they all only know how they've been raised.
This guy was born in S. America or was it the Middle East? I get so confused, definitely knows about 4-5 languages though; he has lived in Brasil (U.K. spelling), multiple countries in Europe, United States, and probably some others i'm missing..
and he's probably about 26/27 ?
But, he's not looking to live over here, maybe for a few years, but he told me he's going 'home' ;)
I am "Proud to Be an American"
:)
hehehe
After paying 5 euro for a box of cereal, which does not even include that there are:
1. FEW, FEW choices (way less competition)
2. "small" sizes (no need to supersize here, there's no space!)
3. Few sales (what? what is a sale?)
4. Taxes up the wazoo on my box, hence the 5 euro for ONE box-- that is nearly 7 US dollars!
even getting taxed at the cash register in the States WILL NOT cancel THAT out.
5. Did I mention this is for a box of plain jane cereal, nothing fancy like Quaker Cinnamon Toasted Oatmeal Squares which is $4.25 in the USA. This is simple Total cereal, probably 3 dollars in the States, maybe 4
6.. I'm sure there are more, but at this time in the morning 2 am, and regarding my one box of cereal, this is all i have got....
7. don't you worry, we have issues in the US of A but we also have incentive, incentive to lower prices, to work more, because we WILL see reward, here, you work your 35 hr/week and check the heck out, b/c why would there be anything more, and 6 week of holiday makes it hard to think of taking any less when there's no reason to (you arent gonna get paid).. noooo, why would you ever want to move to the States, they don't have 6 weeks of vacation!!?
Ohhh Europe <3 Land of the taxed and "provided for???" hmm...
hehehe
After paying 5 euro for a box of cereal, which does not even include that there are:
1. FEW, FEW choices (way less competition)
2. "small" sizes (no need to supersize here, there's no space!)
3. Few sales (what? what is a sale?)
4. Taxes up the wazoo on my box, hence the 5 euro for ONE box-- that is nearly 7 US dollars!
even getting taxed at the cash register in the States WILL NOT cancel THAT out.
5. Did I mention this is for a box of plain jane cereal, nothing fancy like Quaker Cinnamon Toasted Oatmeal Squares which is $4.25 in the USA. This is simple Total cereal, probably 3 dollars in the States, maybe 4
6.. I'm sure there are more, but at this time in the morning 2 am, and regarding my one box of cereal, this is all i have got....
7. don't you worry, we have issues in the US of A but we also have incentive, incentive to lower prices, to work more, because we WILL see reward, here, you work your 35 hr/week and check the heck out, b/c why would there be anything more, and 6 week of holiday makes it hard to think of taking any less when there's no reason to (you arent gonna get paid).. noooo, why would you ever want to move to the States, they don't have 6 weeks of vacation!!?
Ohhh Europe <3 Land of the taxed and "provided for???" hmm...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Snuggles :}
:-D
I'm still feeling under the weather, but i mega appreciate your prayers...
i have yet to overcome the flu, but I did skip my internship and sleep lots which is always a nice thing, and a couple times when i'd wake up I'd roll back over smiling because I knew God was right there with me snuggling me <3
HOW adorable!! ;)
Hehehe
Ha It makes me laugh just thinking of it... I wouldnt trade that for the world... so thanks for prayers.
The time to feel lonely hasnt sunk in yet (as I have not been alone for too long), but on days like yesterday when I felt awful and exhaustion was there, and my day was ooooh so long and overwhelming and busy, (as Jon's normally are), to come back to (As Jon ALSO does) a home where you are left to your own to fix your meals (as Jon normally skips ;] ) and find entertainment (as Jon normally attempts), or in my case, do HOMEWORK ;{ blah, it is not a welcoming, warming feeling, (esp. after doing that for days upon days, try my brother's situation and do it for years upon years... talk about 'blah') :'(
So pray for me, but also pray for my hermano, he is probably having to pack up on his mission in Amsterdam, and while none of his conditions sounded very lovely from me describing it, he REALLY did love the type of work he was doing, and he knew he had an influence, although majorly overlooked and discouraged much of the time, he did have good days and loved conquering projects and getting things done that would make a difference, and ROCK at it HE DOES!!!
So anyway, thanks for the prayers.
I know God is with me, I always do, and in writing sad blogs, I am still ever present with God's joy--- thats why I write, thats why I am able to share, because I KNOW without a doubt that MY GOD is an EVERLASTING FAITHFUL LOVING OMNIPRESENT God who will never ever ever ever abandon me, I know and believe and feel that, but one reason for fellowship being something God asks of His followers is so that by fellowshipping, they may be reminded that God is a God of intimacy and relationship, and we are to be experiencing that on earth to remember WHO our God is.... so yes, He meets all our needs, but !!! He meets them through the resources we have been GIVEN by Him on earth! Surprise!!! :-D
That's why (my dear brothers come up in these blogs a lot.. goodness thats sad of me, ha, I love love love love love love my brothers and my heart breaks because I know that they hurt, and they NEED fellowship like I do), but I remember Curt and I talking about how far God seemed after he moved, and it was in a large way due to the fact that he had no friends in the are to connect to, when a person is not connecting to people, it is that much harder to be reinforced that GOD loves him. We can ONLY think in our earthly minds, while God can reveal His wisdom to us, we are yet to be stuck in FINITE, and He is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY bigger than that... so we must not be frustrated when our simple needs arise and we need to meet them. Ok, this is a lot of talking. me ranting hehe... but this is one spot I feel I CAN go deeply about my relationship... maybe that will change.. I have small areas of blurp, but they come at 'opportune' times and arent quite as easily available...
my dear friend Nikki, after I had just written that I wished someone cared when I cried, she called me on skype, and then wrote, when I missed her call, that she was just checking in on me and wished it werent midterms b/c she would definitely be over here taking care of me <3
i know I am loved, and I even thought of her, as part of my explanation (i wrote somethign like, but they all have their OWN midterms, yada yada... ) I know that counts in for a lot of it...
ok, im done , for now...
.-) <---- teeheehee Hermano Juan that's a pirate ;)
I'm still feeling under the weather, but i mega appreciate your prayers...
i have yet to overcome the flu, but I did skip my internship and sleep lots which is always a nice thing, and a couple times when i'd wake up I'd roll back over smiling because I knew God was right there with me snuggling me <3
HOW adorable!! ;)
Hehehe
Ha It makes me laugh just thinking of it... I wouldnt trade that for the world... so thanks for prayers.
The time to feel lonely hasnt sunk in yet (as I have not been alone for too long), but on days like yesterday when I felt awful and exhaustion was there, and my day was ooooh so long and overwhelming and busy, (as Jon's normally are), to come back to (As Jon ALSO does) a home where you are left to your own to fix your meals (as Jon normally skips ;] ) and find entertainment (as Jon normally attempts), or in my case, do HOMEWORK ;{ blah, it is not a welcoming, warming feeling, (esp. after doing that for days upon days, try my brother's situation and do it for years upon years... talk about 'blah') :'(
So pray for me, but also pray for my hermano, he is probably having to pack up on his mission in Amsterdam, and while none of his conditions sounded very lovely from me describing it, he REALLY did love the type of work he was doing, and he knew he had an influence, although majorly overlooked and discouraged much of the time, he did have good days and loved conquering projects and getting things done that would make a difference, and ROCK at it HE DOES!!!
So anyway, thanks for the prayers.
I know God is with me, I always do, and in writing sad blogs, I am still ever present with God's joy--- thats why I write, thats why I am able to share, because I KNOW without a doubt that MY GOD is an EVERLASTING FAITHFUL LOVING OMNIPRESENT God who will never ever ever ever abandon me, I know and believe and feel that, but one reason for fellowship being something God asks of His followers is so that by fellowshipping, they may be reminded that God is a God of intimacy and relationship, and we are to be experiencing that on earth to remember WHO our God is.... so yes, He meets all our needs, but !!! He meets them through the resources we have been GIVEN by Him on earth! Surprise!!! :-D
That's why (my dear brothers come up in these blogs a lot.. goodness thats sad of me, ha, I love love love love love love my brothers and my heart breaks because I know that they hurt, and they NEED fellowship like I do), but I remember Curt and I talking about how far God seemed after he moved, and it was in a large way due to the fact that he had no friends in the are to connect to, when a person is not connecting to people, it is that much harder to be reinforced that GOD loves him. We can ONLY think in our earthly minds, while God can reveal His wisdom to us, we are yet to be stuck in FINITE, and He is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY bigger than that... so we must not be frustrated when our simple needs arise and we need to meet them. Ok, this is a lot of talking. me ranting hehe... but this is one spot I feel I CAN go deeply about my relationship... maybe that will change.. I have small areas of blurp, but they come at 'opportune' times and arent quite as easily available...
my dear friend Nikki, after I had just written that I wished someone cared when I cried, she called me on skype, and then wrote, when I missed her call, that she was just checking in on me and wished it werent midterms b/c she would definitely be over here taking care of me <3
i know I am loved, and I even thought of her, as part of my explanation (i wrote somethign like, but they all have their OWN midterms, yada yada... ) I know that counts in for a lot of it...
ok, im done , for now...
.-) <---- teeheehee Hermano Juan that's a pirate ;)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sick with Flu
Please continue to pray for me.. i do have the flu, im almost 100% positive... i think i'll go to sleep, its 7 pm here and i feel awful. i am going to miss my internship tomorrow but that means i'll have to start making up hours at some point.. i'm frustrated that i cant just let the hours go. i mean, that is to be expected, i just feel overwhelmed, achey, lonely, and sick so it seems all the worse.
I made toast (using a frying pan b/c we have no toaster oven) and bought some apple sauce a few days ago, so i ate both of those things.. i feel awful and all alone
Deandra (my long lost roommate) wrote me about 6/7 letters to read while over here, i was feeling soo lonely, sick and upset last night as i was studying for the midterm i had this morning, that i was about to crash and go to bed, was almost in tears, but didnt end up crying, then i opened the letter from Deandra titled for when i was homesick, and even thinking about it now, i cried then (bawled, more like it) and cry now.
I miss her, i miss any 'family' i have back home in/from Rockford, or in Amsterdam, or in Cincinnati, or in NY, or in minnesota.. i just miss being encouraged and loved and supported.. i miss having the naturalness of going deep spiritually... i feel soo alone, Austin tried to encourage me that i am never alone, that God is always with me, and that is true, and it is encouraging, and it does mean He will provide, but the basic human needs are for food and shelter, then for human contact, a person in isolation cannot survive. I feel as though I am isolated in some ways, I feel achey from this flu but it also sort of feels like the achey-ness comes from the heartache i see and feel around me. I dont have Beautiful friends who are there to be strength and encouraging reminders of who God is... yes, i see God in my surroundings, and where i am at.. i dont deny that, i dont even try to say that I can't grow as much in these surroundigns (if not more) than in the surroundings of having many Christians, but for me, a person who longs to be digging deep, growing intimately close with my friends, it is hard that a chunk of me doesnt get as easily touched, that others around me don't appreciate and see the values I do, and it's sad.
I'm sad for my surroundings, i'm sad for the world. i just want God to take me away for a while.. i just want to be better.. i dont want to keep going like this...
i'm overwhelmed, its midterms week.. i have an econ exam that im nervous for.. i should be fine, but im sooo achey and exhausted. i just want to come home for fall.
Krista wrote on facebook that she'd had a wonderful fall day of family home and Edwards.. i would do anything to have that day right now...
I hope Tricia's coming is even far greater than i ever could have dreamed for my homesickness, i cant wait, and i cant wait for my parents to come. i just want to be with my family. i really just want to be with you family.
...
its good to cry, its just so depressing to be all alone and have no one know or 'care' that you're crying... i know you at home care... but you don't see, you aren't here.. you can't hold me. i just want hugs and touch and love and to be known. i know that ppl here care, they feel bad, but they dont want to get sick, they have their own midterms, theres so much else on their minds...
this is the kind of time that all 'you' really want is your mom... ;'(
i hate that i just want to come home... i mean i know ive said 100 x how i knew this would be the case, but i feel it soo intensely, and i know, looking back, it will be, well i made it through and there were a lot of good times, but fresh yr at college was hard, it was a lot of tears and wanting to be known and deep and loved, and not finding it like i hoped... this is much like that experience...
im not saying im NOT privileged and blessed and enjoying parts and many many moments of this... but im just in want of human love and care...
to have an interim trip over here, traveling through x amt of countries, or even what you , mom and dad, did for the summer when you met, that keeps you busy, constantly lookign to the next thing, plus you had christians, but to be in the situation im in... its everyday life, and independence and alone-ness having to speak french (or smile and nod, as seems to be what i do) and lack of so much 'family' type friends... that its extremely hard..
i guess ill be done for now..
i (we) have a trip scheduled for budapest this fri-mon... whcih means i will not be getting much sleep, i will be go-go, and then come back and have to do a ton of hw before Tricia arrives the 27th of oct...
as i did for luxembourg and the other trip, i will probably take a while to update on cologne, but i do plan on doing that at some point...
goodbye for now, love cnp
I made toast (using a frying pan b/c we have no toaster oven) and bought some apple sauce a few days ago, so i ate both of those things.. i feel awful and all alone
Deandra (my long lost roommate) wrote me about 6/7 letters to read while over here, i was feeling soo lonely, sick and upset last night as i was studying for the midterm i had this morning, that i was about to crash and go to bed, was almost in tears, but didnt end up crying, then i opened the letter from Deandra titled for when i was homesick, and even thinking about it now, i cried then (bawled, more like it) and cry now.
I miss her, i miss any 'family' i have back home in/from Rockford, or in Amsterdam, or in Cincinnati, or in NY, or in minnesota.. i just miss being encouraged and loved and supported.. i miss having the naturalness of going deep spiritually... i feel soo alone, Austin tried to encourage me that i am never alone, that God is always with me, and that is true, and it is encouraging, and it does mean He will provide, but the basic human needs are for food and shelter, then for human contact, a person in isolation cannot survive. I feel as though I am isolated in some ways, I feel achey from this flu but it also sort of feels like the achey-ness comes from the heartache i see and feel around me. I dont have Beautiful friends who are there to be strength and encouraging reminders of who God is... yes, i see God in my surroundings, and where i am at.. i dont deny that, i dont even try to say that I can't grow as much in these surroundigns (if not more) than in the surroundings of having many Christians, but for me, a person who longs to be digging deep, growing intimately close with my friends, it is hard that a chunk of me doesnt get as easily touched, that others around me don't appreciate and see the values I do, and it's sad.
I'm sad for my surroundings, i'm sad for the world. i just want God to take me away for a while.. i just want to be better.. i dont want to keep going like this...
i'm overwhelmed, its midterms week.. i have an econ exam that im nervous for.. i should be fine, but im sooo achey and exhausted. i just want to come home for fall.
Krista wrote on facebook that she'd had a wonderful fall day of family home and Edwards.. i would do anything to have that day right now...
I hope Tricia's coming is even far greater than i ever could have dreamed for my homesickness, i cant wait, and i cant wait for my parents to come. i just want to be with my family. i really just want to be with you family.
...
its good to cry, its just so depressing to be all alone and have no one know or 'care' that you're crying... i know you at home care... but you don't see, you aren't here.. you can't hold me. i just want hugs and touch and love and to be known. i know that ppl here care, they feel bad, but they dont want to get sick, they have their own midterms, theres so much else on their minds...
this is the kind of time that all 'you' really want is your mom... ;'(
i hate that i just want to come home... i mean i know ive said 100 x how i knew this would be the case, but i feel it soo intensely, and i know, looking back, it will be, well i made it through and there were a lot of good times, but fresh yr at college was hard, it was a lot of tears and wanting to be known and deep and loved, and not finding it like i hoped... this is much like that experience...
im not saying im NOT privileged and blessed and enjoying parts and many many moments of this... but im just in want of human love and care...
to have an interim trip over here, traveling through x amt of countries, or even what you , mom and dad, did for the summer when you met, that keeps you busy, constantly lookign to the next thing, plus you had christians, but to be in the situation im in... its everyday life, and independence and alone-ness having to speak french (or smile and nod, as seems to be what i do) and lack of so much 'family' type friends... that its extremely hard..
i guess ill be done for now..
i (we) have a trip scheduled for budapest this fri-mon... whcih means i will not be getting much sleep, i will be go-go, and then come back and have to do a ton of hw before Tricia arrives the 27th of oct...
as i did for luxembourg and the other trip, i will probably take a while to update on cologne, but i do plan on doing that at some point...
goodbye for now, love cnp
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)