....cubicle mentality

I can see why there are thousands of jokes made on the cubicle in the workplace. I'm not in a cubicle, I'm in a large spacious room with open doors, windows, my own desk, only one other person (normally) in here. But I am going crazy. I don't want to be inside anymore. I hate just sitting and I hate that I'm stuck on a computer. It is so distracting and hard to focus when they want me to read a bunch of articles, dont give me much direction, and tell me to write. I felt kind of like the Kate Hudson in how to lose a guy in 10 days when she asks "Lonna" what she can write about, and Lonna tells her, "Anything; wherever the wind blows you" so hudson says, "like politics, war, religion, etc?" and Lonna replies, "well the wind won't take you that far"

Well, I was told, so i thought to write about anything, so i started with a great vision, not sure how to get specific b/c it was a very broad vision but i figured each month and time I wrote, I would cover a slightly different part of this vision, well... no. I cannot write about the vision I imagined, I must write about new technology (uck) or something media related. Basically things that are interesting, nice to get a scoop about, but DEFINITELY don't want to spend my time writing about. I'm good at being told a topic, finding information on it and redoing it, ellaborating etc. But a huge vast army of topics with all the world as my canvas is soo broad its hard to narrow down. I will be fine in this internship but its been a long day. and one girl and I were discussing Americans.. she is less critical now than she used to be , but she doesnt like how americans are so proud and think they're so much better than us, and are so fascinated by celebrities, and she was always told growing up that she should learn and like America (simply b/c they're american).

well, she said i dont know if it's likely to be true or not, but it seems that it is. I said, in a kind, very very humble, patient way, that it may be this stereotype gets reiterated b/c of the animosity between europe and the states (i mean, just in having her tell me how she hates americans and their pride, i'm sitting there thinking, where does she get off saying all this? then i realized its just the pride battling back and forth so i let it go before continuing, but how frustrating, she's been told to dislike americans, and dislike them she will!!) well, from my experience americans (my circles) are fascinated by europenas, but at the same time, myself included, im' fascinated but still feel as though they treat me inferiorly and i'm "just a silly american," so i have the choice of either sticking out my nose in the insecurity or brown-nosing them to win them over .... that doesnt leave many options for the average american interacting with these europeans....  and the same goes for them-- it is very cyclical when you think about it-- how you reconcile that i'm not quite sure

ugh. another comparison i made was how in europe, these countrymen have grown up side by side their neighboring states, traveling into them, trading products/goods with them, companies working together, etc. but in the states we do not have the physical closeness to these european countries and we are doing the same kidn of trading etc except that these "states" of ours are acting like their "countries" within the european union (i mean this is a rough comparison, but it is a lot of truth) no, it does not give an excuse for not understanding bigger matters than ourselves, but to have 50 small countries all working under one government-- thats a lot ot try to understand and process and make decisions for while living in it (it's no wonder we have a lot on our mind--plus the expectation that we WILL be leading in certain areas and that it would be a shame to let anyone else take the lead) gosh, there is so much put into us as we are raised in the usa. and yes, we can be proud to live in the usa--- but for different reasons than for being born in spain. i dont know, sure, she said that a lot of european countries have been influenced by the usa (which seemed to be a bad thing by her) but heck -- the united states was originally FROM and OF COURSE influenced by the european countries (states)...

i do not claim to be perfect as an american, i just wish talk about values did not become so defensive and prideful..
politics
always defensive and prideful
i'd love to talk about it , but rarely is it ever NOT defensive and prideful.. oi vei

exhausting. i miss you school friends (and home friends) and i miss the weather (warm beautiful weather for bike rides) i miss the end of the summer with you parents and grandparents.. i miss my sweet little kitty cuddling up. i miss ice cream!! :'(  i miss the apple orchard (that would be soon to come) i miss the grocery stores and the food and the exercise of a different kind. i miss the bed i have and the back massage/relief i could more easily find..i miss driving /or at least beign able to. i miss walking to class. i miss some of my professors. i miss open land-- thats huge-- i think thats a big revelation all of a sudden-- i'm going nutso in this mega cosmopolitan area-- underground trams, metros, trains... i love fresh air, outdoors, and windows. mom, i would imagine you'd have a hard time with this lack of a yard-- where is my backyard to sit on the step and play with my cat? or eat a steak outside having just been grilled or fish or corn on the cob-- man, i love reminiscing, im glad, so so glad i can be grateful for so much on the flipside of these missings-- i miss them BECAUSE i appreciate and am GRATEFUL for them--- I need to take a trip soon and change my environment-- wonder when my next weekend is... i think we're going as an isa group on saturday--- hopefully thats refreshing-- im going buggy-- i need a change in scenery--
uck and when i get back it'll be winter and snowy-- and LONG months of snow.. haha oh well..

love to  u